You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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