Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
