He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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