I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Semen is not good for contacts.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
