his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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