i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
