Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
