FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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