I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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