Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
