I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Michael Bay diarrhea
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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