why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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