They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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