If i come over, it means nothing
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
