You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
