4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
