I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
