she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
