remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
