i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
