they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
