Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
