Need sex. Gaining weight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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