Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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