Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
