you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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