Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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