sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
