In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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