Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
