Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
