Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
