Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
