just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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