I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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