p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
