Cold hands, warm shart.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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