Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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