me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
