i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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