proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
