I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
