I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
