Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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