This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
