we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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