I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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