you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
