i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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