i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
