It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
