i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
